Assalaamu alaykum.....can i make dua to marry a girl of my own choice,,,,,???? i love one girl, but she doesnt like me, my parents are ready coz i am serios and had gud intentions ...also my parents had send my proposal in her house, in between 5 months had been passed, initially her mother told we will say yes if she agrees,,, but now they said no coz tat gal hates me alot.
ησσя-υℓ-нυ∂α εﺓз
assalamualikum brother
it is matter of choice and likeness. islam has given ful permission to both boys and girls that they can marry person of their choice and they cannot be forced to marry the one who they dont like.
when that girl does not like you, she has expressed her emotions by saying no. so, you should also move on. by makign dua you cannot bribe ALLAH swt or cannot change her decision.
Asadullah khan
but i had heard der is no harm if a believer makes supplications to Allah Subhanah to help and enable him to marry the women of his choice........aur Allah swt duwa se taqder badal sakte na???? if i am nt wrong???
ησσя-υℓ-нυ∂α εﺓз
ji bilkul esa he hey dua is your right.
but it also disliked in islam that you do not marry any other girl because you have not married the girl of your choice.
as i already said, the girl has already given ansswer in no. now what if she marries some one else? this is her life and her right brother, ALLAH swt has also told us to be rational and reasonable.
Asadullah khan
i think u r slightly deviated toward her side coz u r also gal....if i am smoker and my wife mak duwa for me to leave this habit,,,,but if i said her i am not going to leav smoking so does tat means hence she shudnt pray and make duwa for my evil act of smoking?????
ησσя-υℓ-нυ∂α εﺓз
brother, since i do not know that sister, so i cannot be her advocate or cannot be your advocate.
the only thing i am saying is, when that sister has already expressed her emotions for you, you should also move on.
making dua for some one for his goodness in encouraged and a good act. that is another topic which is not related to your issue.
ησσя-υℓ-нυ∂α εﺓз
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (10/135):
If the heart loves Allaah alone and is sincerely devoted to Him, it will not even think of loving anyone else in the first place, let alone falling in love. When a heart falls in love, that is due to the lack of love for Allaah alone. Hence because Yoosuf loved Allaah and was sincerely devoted to Him, he did not fall into the trap of love, rather Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Thus it was, that We might turn away from him evil and illegal sexual intercourse. Surely, he was one of Our chosen, (guided) slaves”
[Yoosuf 12:24]
As for the wife of al-‘Azeez, she was a mushrik as were her people, hence she fell into this trap. End quote.
The Muslim must save himself from this fate and not fall short in guarding against it and ridding himself of it. If he falls short in that regard and follows the path of love, by continuing to steal haraam glances or listening to haraam things, and being careless in the way he speaks to the opposite sex, etc, then he is affected by love as a result, then he is sinning and will be subject to punishment for his actions.
How many people have been careless at the beginning of this problem, and thought that they were able to rid themselves of it whenever they wanted, or that they could stop at a certain limit and not go any further, until the sickness took a strong hold and no doctor or remedy could help?
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Rawdat al-Muhibbeen (147):
If the cause happens by his choice, he has no excuse for the consequences that are beyond his control, but if the reason is haraam, the drunkard had no excuse. Undoubtedly following one glance with another and allowing oneself to keep thinking about the person is like drinking intoxicants: he is to be blamed for the cause.
Asadullah khan
i kno,,,she is nt ready for me but i had strong believ in Allah(swt),,,i kno he is our creator and he can do anything for anyone @ any time........all things of dis world are under his control, so if i repent , if i do salaah and make duwa to change her heart , do u think it is impossible for ALLAH swt to do it, mai aisa ek hadees me suna hu agar allah is duniya me jisse jo chahe wo dete toh uske samandar me se bund barabar kuch kam nahi honga!!!!! so i had only one question shud i pray or move on?????
ησσя-υℓ-нυ∂α εﺓз
brother ALLAH does the best for us.
he has created us, he know what is best for us. it is your right to pray but it is also your duty to obey to ALLAH swt.
if you are not given something in this world, its ajar is saved for you and ALLAH swt gives you somethign better that what you desire, in this world.
leave this matter on ALLAH, and move on. may be when you leave it to ALLAH, ALLAH also give you what is your heart's desire
Asadullah khan
sister der are 2 kinds of love one pure and another impure....so wateva u had copy pasted is all abt for impur love....which wont be applicable to my love ...coz my love is pure,,,as i dont want to do anything illegal wt her , i want to marry her,,,my proposal is nt college affair proposal 2 enjoy gf\ bf relationship but my proposal is marriage proposal ......i want 2 show her my true love .....
ησσя-υℓ-нυ∂α εﺓз
brother, that girl is not ready to marry you, she might like someone else.
ap es baat ko apna ego ka prpblem banao gey tau you will never be able to move on and lead a purposeful life. what i have quoted is about the only love which every muslim should have in his heart, i.e. ALLAH 's love.
thats it.
in a hadith Muhammad s.a.w.w said that there is nothing liked for those who love each other, than marriage.
jog lena koch b nahe hey. it is wrong. in this way, in the name of praying, you will ruin your life further. you can pray since it is your right, but you also move on.
ησσя-υℓ-нυ∂α εﺓз
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (10/129):
Love is a psychological sickness, and if it grows strong it affects the body, and becomes a physical sickness, either as diseases of the brain, which are said to be diseases caused by waswaas, or diseases of the body such as weakness, emaciation and so on. End quote.
And he (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (10/132):
Loving a non-mahram woman leads to many negative consequences, the full extent of which is known only to the Lord of people. It is a sickness that affects the religious commitment of the sufferer, then it may also affect his mind and body. End quote.
It is sufficient to note that one of the effects of love of a member of the opposite sex is enslavement of the heart which is held captive to the loved one. So love is a door that leads to humiliation and servility. That is sufficient to put one off this sickness.
Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (10/185):
If a man is in love with a woman, even if she is permissible for him, his heart remains enslaved to her, and she can control him as she wishes, even though outwardly he appears to be her master, because he is her husband; but in fact he is her prisoner and slave, especially if she is aware of his need and love for her. In that case, she will control him like a harsh and oppressive master controls his abject slave who cannot free himself from him. Rather he is worse off than that, because enslavement of the heart is worse than enslavement of the body. End quote.
Attachment to the opposite sex will not happen to a heart that is filled with love of Allaah; it only affects a heart that is empty and weak, so it is able to gain control of it, then when it becomes strong and powerful it is able to defeat the love of Allaah and lead the person into shirk. Hence it is said: Love is the action of an empty heart.
Asadullah khan
Impure love is an action of an empty heart and pure love is an action of honest heart!!!!!!!
Aftab
Assalaamu alaikum. Brother, u can make duwa but Allah may not answer yo duwa if it z not good 4 u .. Allah knows wat z best 4 u vch u dont kno. Since the gal has already rejected u n u said she hates u then i think u shud leave thinkin f hr perhaps dat z best 4 u ..
"It is possible that you dislike a thing which is good for you, and you love a thing which is bad for you, But Allah knows those things which you dont know"
QURAN(2,216)
Farhan
- Perform Istakhara first. (ask Allah's Will about this issue)
- Stop contacting the girl or sending her any other proposal or any communication, as it can worsen the situation.
- There is a hadith which i read somewhere, i am not sure its exact words it says "if a believer knows that how much reward he will get, as Allah takes something very precious, what he likes, then the believer (after death or in jannah) will say that "I wish, Allah would have taken everything away from me, which i loved".
.
.
so keep in mind, in this world, we should not expect that we will get everything that we wish for.
in such matter, we have to leave everything on Allah, and Ask Dua in a way.
"Ya Allah, if her marriage with me is good for me, and her, and our future, then help me in making this relationship, otherwise take away her love out of my heart, As you know the best, i know nothing"
Simply Noor
from a girls psychological perspective i can only say brother that if she does not want to get married with u then dont try too much. the much you would try to convince her, the much she would try to go away.
there is a sense that works inside a girl, a 'click' happens and she says 'yes' or 'no'. and it would be really very sad thing for her to marry a man she does not like, thats why Allah has given her rights to say yes/no. sometimes there may be no any reason that she can tell.... it just happens, the guy may be very good, but the girl may not like him, without any due reasons. if she wont be happy, u would also not be happy.
i cant say confirmed about 'love' as its a feeling and not an action that u can get rid of easily. but u can restrict ur actions. and u must.
and if you would pray to change her heart, believe me she would also be praying, 'ya Allah no no no no, please not this man'.
so its better to pray that whatever best for u in this world and after this world u may get.
Amatullah
My suggestion to u is that brother pray that "O Allah if its best for me then let us get married and let her feelings towards me change and if SHE is NOT good for me then distance her from me and change my feelings and give me a better muslimah in her stead who will be the coolness of my eyes and who will make a good wife for me. O Rabb give me a wife who will be BEST for me"
While speaking about the change of feelings u can call out to Allah saying "YA MUQALLIBUL QULOOB" - O Turner of hearts.
So that way brother, u are a winner both ways.
Another du'a which i think is not AS good AS the first one is "O Allah make her best for me and change her feelings towards me" And then whatever u want ur wife to support u in u can add.
Also brother if you love her then my advice would be not to send messages pleading or telling others/bragging about your love for her and trying to make a big scene out of it. Being a girl i know that it irritates when a guy does this, when the girl is focused on something in life.
You've sent a formal proposal. That's the right thing to do masha allah.
My advice would be the du'a I gave u.
Amatullah
Many guys say they love the girl, they don't get the girl and they move on!
One case was where one guy claimed he couldn't live if he didn't get her but it didn't work out probably due to differences and he moved on and no one died alhamdulillah
Im not faking this case.
You can look around u and see that it happens. I do not say its easy for the person going through it specially since i haven't alhamdulillah. It maybe very difficult. But constant du'as will help insha allah
Keep praying that Allah makes u love Him more than anything else. And keep asking for what is best for you and that he should keep u happy with ur Qadr .
Asadullah khan
last night i thaught , i wasted my time here ,coz ppls thaught my pure love as bollywood lust and started pasting me fatawes 4m der school of thaughts which wer out of context,,,but today i feel gud after hearing so many answers.....thnks for all ur support .....i specially thans 2 sis amatullah....coz i got all satisfactory answers 4m her n tat 2 in very best manner....may Allah bless her....i like de suggestion of Arim but i will do it in legalised way ,if i get a chance.........The Prophet (saws) said "Both the halaal (lawful) and the haraam (unlawful) things are (made) obvious, and in between them are (suspicious) doubtful matters...last i want 2 clear one doubt , assume she is not my soulmate , if allah had not made her for meee, so can dua change my soulmate ???
Mansur
After going through these posts, I was afraid that brother Asadullah would fall into Arim's trap. ARIM sounded much like Shahrukh Khan in NDTV (We the people) who is like a Filled Cup of Water which cannot accept anymore water into it. I am glad that Asadullah responded politely by saying Legalized way.
Acting by Haram & Halal is nothing, but like a chip embedded into your brain which warns you when a thing you do is liked by Allah or disliked by HIM. In simple terms, we call it God Consciousness or Taqwa. Allah knows best.
SuLTaN
lots of wisdom in everyone's post. I do not want to refine it by schools of thought or message delivery, but they all have 2 things in common.
1. When she doesnt like, why to force her..thats not fair to her.
2. If you insist, pray to Allah(SWT), either He gives you or gives something even better... Leave it to him.. Allah(SWT) is with people who exercises patience.
I am not formaly educated in Islam to give you the right dua.. But thought I would share this...some people will find someone attractive while the other wouldn't, that is common. And it is very normal for us to think, he/she as ultimate soulmate. Only Allah(SWT) knows who is ideal match. Not every love marriage is successful nor every arranged marriage is a disaster.
I have witnessed people who married their sweethearts, but living a helllife and also people who moved on without having opportunity to marry their crush, but living very happily.
Do not get frustrated or depressed over this. As sister Noorul Huda pointed out, love is also a sickness. That will affect one's ability to focus on studies, career and day to day life. In this turbulence, do not let your career/future be affected... thats the last thing we want.